


You Know...

by Paradigmenwechsel



Series: End Verse [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-06-06 20:21:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15202703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paradigmenwechsel/pseuds/Paradigmenwechsel
Summary: When a Hunt is over there sometimes is something you need to think about again…Dean is getting lost in some old memories he is sharing with his Brother after a "common" hunt.





	You Know...

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING!!!!!
> 
> This is no happy end, this is maybe triggering for some people and it is definitely not to enlighten your mood!
> 
> And i am not talking about the fact that this is no Beta and i am obviously no native.

You know… SPN FF 07.07.2018

„You know…“ Dean smiled at the image from his memory his arms crossed above his Chest.  
“…when you were a baby you used to suck on my thumb all the time.” The dark blond slightly chuckled but Sam frowned at the idea.

“You hated it when dad tried to feed you. And you cried like a sirene until he had enough and put you aside…” “But you started babbling the moment I gave you that dumb bottle.”  
Dean smiled again, still staring at the Ceiling.

Sam looked over at the older Hunter on the other bed.  
It was rare, if not unheard of, that Dean was getting all cheesy and lost in those old memories.

As they had been younger Dean often had tried to create some kind of surrogate Reality they had never had. By any means it was already a child ideal of something Dean hadn’t known either.  
And even though Sam knew that it had been a lie, not real or truth, he had loved it, it was the only normal life he had ever known.

“I was used to you making a fuss…” Dean went on but his face changed slightly, just enough for only Sam to know.  
“…but when there was something out there, you became completely silent and it always creeped me out when you stopped making any noise…”  
Dean recalled, still staring at the Ceiling.  
“It was what always got me alarmed. It wasn’t dad loading his gun or blockade the doors and windows, it was always when you got quiet…” 

Sam watched as his Brother frowned in his words. The younger one only assumed that it might had something to do with his given fate that he was sensitive to Monsters around.

“I still hate that today…” Dean stated from the other bed.  
“There is always this small moment before we go into a fight… Your eyes, your expression, your whole posture changes suddenly…”

Sam felt hurt at the words, because it was again, a reminder of his dark Past and the still existing darkness he sometimes felt within.  
But Dean wasn’t finished yet.

“It makes you the better Hunter…” The older one mentioned subdued as if he had to force it out or to think about it on the way.  
Sam got focused again and changed his position, supporting his upper body on his Elbows to get a bit up.  
He was frowning about his Brothers strange attitude today.

“It still freaks me out…” Dean went on and Sam huffed silently and with a bitter amusement. This was his Brother! Caressing you with one hand and slapping you with the other just to make sure you wouldn’t get over the top.

“You probably don’t know but you have always fought against dad, even before you could walk…” Dean suddenly changed the topic again.  
And this time, there was a slight chuckle within his words.  
“You’ve kicked his bottles, you’ve cried and puked on him and one day you actually bit him…” There was again that slight chuckle.  
“All the time I felt ashamed but I see know that it was just you all the time…” Dean sounded amused but also sad, and Sam wondered.

“I hated you when you went against me as well…” The dark blonds thoughts seemed to jump but Sam listened.  
“Every time you run away, you left me too… I hated you for that.” The Hunter stated, he had to and Sam understood but it still hurt.

“And as you run off with that Demon Chick… I was terrified… frightened that I would have to do what Dad handed me…”  
Sam gulped at the memory of his Father ordering Dean to safe or kill him…  
“I would never have…, I knew that now.” The deep voice stated serious and without a doubt.  
“Sammy you were all I had and you are every thing for me. I would never have…” Dean repeated and Sam nod. He knew.

The sun was going down and the shadows slowly crawled in that dimmed wooden room.

“I would never have…” Dean repeated again, lost in his thoughts. He seemed to think about something, something that was weighting on him.  
Sam got up a bit more, now sitting on the wooden frame of his bed.

“You believe me right?” Dean questioned, still staring at the Ceiling and not looking at his younger Brother on the side.

Sam nod. There was no doubt in him that Dean would always have done everything in his power to safe him. He would do everything for him, and Sam knew that with a security that he had for nothing else. Dean would never leave him, he would never walk away and he would never give up on his Sammy.

“You’re a pain in the ass but we’re stuck together.” Dean mentioned with a sarcastic but joking huff.  
Sam smiled. It was his Brothers way to say that he loved him, that they would be together forever…  
It was all the older man was capable off and Sam had accepted it had lived with it for so long.

And although it should have been a terrifying thought, it was something that calmed the dark haired, that gave him peace and stability.  
He wasn’t stuck with his Brother, he was safe with his Family.

“…I would never have…” Dean’s deep voice echoed in the more and more darkening room.

Sam felt the pain in his heart again. He knew that it was truth, he knew that Dean would never ever have killed him, but all the time the younger Winchester had also known that it had been something burden his Brother. Some of so many things he had collected his whole life, eager, desperate to serve the two purposes in his Existence. To protect and to obey…  
It hadn’t been his fault that those purposes often had collided and dragged the older Hunter into a corner…

Sam knew that Dean was full of guild, that he couldn’t get free of it all along. It hurt to think of him like that.

“Do you remember the day Dad pulled me out of that club…” Deans mind had found another topic and Sam smiled slightly as the mood lightened a bit again.

The dark haired loved the goofy Dean, the grumpy but gentle Dean, the confused Dean, the childish Dean. And even though it all had been make up’s they at least partial had exist…  
Sam loved this Dean and he wanted his Brother to know that, he wanted to lift the burden and the guilt, wanted to help the older one out of the Prison he was caught in…

Sam slowly got up, he didn’t care that he could be heard, that he could be seen by his Brother doing so.  
But Dean didn’t seem to mind anyway. The older Hunter was still lying on his back, his arms crossed over his chest.  
He didn’t turn to look at the younger one, he didn’t move as Sam gently touched his shoulder.  
There was no reaction of any kind as the taller Hunter finally leaned in, chastely kissing his Brothers cold forehead…

So many thing’s unsaid, so many things undone…, now lost forever…

\----------

It was cold and Sam shuddered as he closed the door behind.  
The old shack was one of Bobby’s secret spots Eons ago…  
It was far away from any Town or Human at all…  
It wouldn’t even been missed when the fire would end.

Sam pulled a key out of his jacket pocket.  
It was not how he had expected it to end…  
It was not what he had wished or hoped for…

He would take the Drivers Seat, he would change the music after some time and he would drive.  
There was nothing for the Winchester out there. Nothing he cared for, nothing he wished for.  
It was only an endless road, and he would keep moving…  
Till someday, he would burn as well…

End


End file.
